Adji Ngathe kebeI know fear intimately. I’m aware of how my body reacts to it. The sweat, heart palpitations, heightened awareness. The human body has a way of alerting us to fear. It’s important and it’s necessary for our survival. However, sometimes we feel fear and danger is not present. We feel fear when meeting new people, trying new experiences, and essentially forcing ourselves out of our comfort zone. The human body and mind doesn’t do well with “unknowns.” We are wired for survival and the more information you have on any predicament, your greater chances of survival. However, fear can hold many of us back because we’re afraid of our own imagination more than anything.
The number one way to overcome fear is through exposure. You have to expose yourself to whatever it is that you fear little by little. Often times people make a huge leap when getting over their fears. For example, I have a fear of roller coasters. I didn’t realize how much until my best friend’s birthday. We went to Coney Island and got on a couple rides. I wanted to try the sling shot, but was scared. I mean terrified. We made a bet. If she rode a ride she was afraid of riding, I would go on the slingshot. I went on the slingshot by myself and faced that fear. My body was launched into the air as I screamed for dear life.
It’s been several months and you will never catch me on another rollercoaster. The exposure was too much too fast. That’s usually what happens when people try to overcome fears. They always choose the most extreme and bold ways to face their fears. It usually backfires. Instead of overcoming the fear, they now have a greater reason to be afraid of it. The exposure was not helpful and reinforced that fear. The smarter idea would have been to start with low stakes roller coasters and work my way up to the sling shot across several months.
The first exposure to your fears should be low stakes. For example, let’s say you want to overcome your fear of snakes. The first step is to look at pictures of a snake. If real pictures is too scary, search drawings. Look at animated snakes first. Look at the pictures intently. See the snake as an animal. Dissect what it looks like and what about it is so fearful. Next, move on to realistic pictures. Look at those images as long as you need to. If it’s too much, go back to the drawings. The goal isn’t to push through unnecessarily cause it can backfire. Rather respect your timing and what is realistic for you.
After a while move on to videos. Watch quick videos of snakes up close. Familiarize yourself with them. Get comfortable with what they look like, how they behave, etc… Lastly, go to a zoo. See a snake in real life. The last step on the list is to touch a snake. Hold it in your hands and see it as nothing more than an animal just like you. Nothing more, nothing less. Now apply these steps to genuine fears you have in your life whether it’s making new friends, being seen, or performing in public. Expose yourself little by little. Forego, the big dramatic acts. Instead choose steady progress. Little by little. Bravery is practice. So is courage.
