Havana

Unleash the fury

The inner urgency

The need

Pent up so long inside me

I

hunger

For your touch

Your lips

Your time

Your affection

Your love

Hunt me

no

longer

Speak to the desire in me and sooth her venomous wanton

The greed is too much to bare

It  was a hot night in Havana. The night was a little less busy than the mornings, but people were outside. Zainab put on her favorite dress and her favorite lipstick. She carried her heels in her hands as she walked to the backyard. She threw her heels over the wall first, then grabbed onto the top of the wall and hoisted her body up. She climbed over the fence and ducked along the walls. In this town everyone knows everyone. She needed to not be seen. Especially with all that hair and all that red. She knew she was leaving tomorrow. She didn’t want to be asked any questions. More importantly, she didn’t want to be stopped.

Once she was out of the rounded concrete walls with all their murals, paints, and designs, she put her heels on. She always loved how colorful her town was. Every house was painted a beautiful color. It gave dignity to the broken walls. The buildings barely holding on to themselves with grace. Dutiful to the house occupants. She listened to the familiar rhythm of the street. The tumbao beat hummed under her heart, fluttering it to excitement. “ Tallèl saye loxho te gniane… tallèl saye loxho te gniane, “ she began to sing. “ Demal!” She singed her way to the end of the street. People were outside talking, playing cards, smoking. There was loud chatter and music. A combination which has become therapeutic background noise. She hailed a taxi and immediately called her friends. Café Cantante Mi Habana was always packed on a Saturday night. They usually leave for the club at 11:00 or 12:00 at night. This time they left earlier. She was meeting two of her friends. It could have been three, but Xochitl stayed doing too much.

Under the fluttering excitement, she felt a familiar terror. It wrapped around her throat, threatening to choke her if she paid it any mind. Tonight was for delusions and dreams. Fairy tales, even stardust, she laughed to herself. Tomorrow she’ll face reality. The cab dropped her off right in front of the club. She stepped outside the car, her red heels glistening against the wet cobblestone. At the back of the line, she met Amira and Fantasia. Fantasia fixed her glasses and scrutinized the line. “Don’t make that face!,” Amira said. “What face?!”. “ I don’t know if I’m going to be mildly disgusted or pleasantly surprised,” Fantasia replied. “Here we go Tasia,” Zanab said. Fantasia turned around and looked at her. Her face told everything she wanted to tell Zainab. Which was you better be humble before I decide to humble you. She said “u-huh,” meaning is this understood? Zainab rolled her eyes, “imma spit in your drink,” she mocked. Fantasia opened her mouth in disgust and amusement. “That’s nasty!.” If there was one thing Fantasia hated, it was germs.

Ty stood in the line speaking for so long, they didn’t remember whether the wait was long or short. They stepped into the club. Zainab turned towards her friends. She put one finger in her ear and increased her voice. She wanted to know whether they wanted to sit or move closer to the live music. They chose to be closer to the live music. They were dancing towards it anyways. The bongos led them to the dance floor. The congas and maracas made them stay. Zainab shook her hips. She rolled her head back and caressed her neck. She moved her hair back. She didn’t care if she sweated out the retwist.

She wanted moments like this more often. She was leaving because there was always an absence of this. Freedom. She stopped to wine and felt a presence behind her. Instead of pulling away, she leaned back. Closer. They danced like that until the song ended. She turned and almost felt faint. How did he find her.

He caressed her from her neck to the left side of her face. He cupped her face in his hands.

“Why did you leave?” He said.

She grabbed his hands and pulled them away from her face.

“I just needed time,” she said.

“How much more time do you need?”

She opened her mouth to speak, but the words faded away like cloudy thoughts.

“ I just feel like I’ve lost a part of myself.” What she really wanted to say was, I’m stifled. Unable to breathe in your arms. In whatever this we’re doing to each other is.

“How can I make you stay?” He cupped her chin. “What do you want me to do?,” he asked.

She wanted to say, “you should leave.” Instead, she said, “I’ll see you at home.”

“you sure about that?” He said.

She continued walking. As if she’d never heard him.